“What’s wrong with us?”
My friends and I looked at each other and laughed, but the question lingered in the air. No one had an adequate response.
It was 10:22 p.m. on a Friday night in July.
It was the kind of summer evening when people are at the lake, or camping, or sitting on the front porch listening to the crickets.
But not us. Instead, we sat shoulder to shoulder around a round plastic table in our office.
Five glowing laptops held our attention. We perched on flimsy lawn chairs, typing, discussing, backspacing, agonizing, and debating. Dried out pizza, empty water bottles, and stacks of paper dotted the landscape.
“Seriously though… why did we ever think this was a good idea?”
More nervous laughter.
Deep inside, we all knew the answer. But voicing it felt insufficient.
We’re starting a charter school. From scratch. In our tiny community of 175 people.
And it’s not just any charter school. It’s a project-based school focused on teaching children real world skills and critical thinking.
It’s utterly insane. And also brilliant.
We have a small public school here, but it’s struggled for as long as anyone can remember. There has been talk of alternatives and options and closures and adjustments for decades. But nothing has really changed.
Until now.
This spring, it all came to an impasse. “Something has to be done,” everyone said. But then… silence. Sideways glances.
The situation felt grim. Maybe even impossible.
But then…
They stepped up.
Two young moms. Friends of ours.
Between their two families, there are seven children under the age of eight. They have jobs and plenty of other responsibilities. They’ve never started a school before. But they took it upon themselves to do something. And off they went.
Christian is on the board and I’m helping with marketing. But they are leading the charge.
I’m convinced climbing Mt. Everest may be easier than starting a charter school.
Most charter school applications take 18 months to complete. They had 5 weeks till deadline.
The amount of paperwork was brutal.
The process is all consuming and shrouded in unknowns.
The meetings were never-ending.
But they turned in the monstrous application.
And now, they wait.
Will this earnest intention to start a project-based school in our tiny rural community be smiled upon by the state?
Only time will tell.
But back to The Question…
“Why DO we do these things?”
Why would someone voluntarily choose death by paperwork when they could be watching Netflix with a margarita instead?
Why would someone going to the immense trouble of growing food when vegetables are readily available at the store?
Why would someone milk a cow when it’s much easier (and cheaper) to buy milk at the grocery store?
Why would someone join the volunteer fire department to respond to car wrecks at 2 a.m. and multi-day grass fires when they could stay in bed and let someone else worry about it?
Why would someone invest in a cluttered, old restaurant with hopes that remodeling it will revive an forgotten frontier town, when we all know the food service industry is an agonizing way to make money?
WHY.
Most of the time, I know the answer. Most of the time I feel alive with purpose. Most of the time I’m the biggest cheerleader for anyone chasing audacious dreams.
But sometimes, when I’m tired and worn down… it all feels heavy.
And I wonder why I take on the responsibility I do.
“You’re doing this to yourself, you know….” my brain whispers.
It has a point.
I look around (which is never a good idea) and I see some people floating by with nary a care in the world. They’ve crafted their lives to avoid extra responsibility at all costs. So they recreate. And relax. And chill. And consume. 24/7.
Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, it looks blissful.
Some people never have to worry about the mysterious bug eating the squash seedlings.
They never have to think about whether the potatoes are getting enough water. Or if the meat chickens are growing like they should.
They never have to worry how they’ll coordinate tomato canning in the middle of back to school preparations. Or which math curriculum will be best for their 7th grader.
I love entrepreneurship to the core of my being. But I also understand the allure of punching a time clock and leaving all your cares at the office on the weekends.
Some days I’d LOVE to not have to think about the customer who screamed about the restaurant plates not being heated (yes, that really happened) or the rising prices of ice cream and cups and lettuce.
I’d love to let someone else solve how to fill the gap of an employee quitting. Or paper shortage issues when you’re trying to publish a planner. Or glitchy software that breaks in the middle of a course launch.
For many people, weekends are for recreating, sleeping in, eating out, shopping, or watching Netflix. Not building, planning, preparing, and problem solving.
I’m well aware that my life could be so much easier.
These thoughts don’t arise a lot, but they pop up occasionally.
When they do, I’ve learned to be careful with whom I share them. Because the people around me are usually quick to lend credence to the pessimistic side of my brain.
“You do enough already… can’t you just quit?”
“It is what it is… don’t try so hard.”
“Let someone else handle that…”
They are seductive ideas. But when I hear them, my ears ring with warning and I turn away.
Because I know better.
I know what I’m called to do. And as enticing as abdicating responsibility might seem, it’s not the answer.
Not for me, and not for you.
An Overdose of Ease
You see, our culture has it backwards.
They think meaning comes from pleasure. From leisure. From convenience. From recreation.
Sure, those things are nice. For a while.
But if that’s all you have, it’s like eating a steady diet of candy.
It tastes good at first. But sooner or later, you’ll be left feeling empty. And a little sick.
Humans need challenge and struggle. We need to wrestle for something important. As Theodore Roosevelt famously said, we need to know great enthusiasms and worthy causes.
Because it’s within those moments of strife and struggle that we feel fully alive.
You’ll never find purpose while reclining on the couch. You’ll won’t uncover meaning by watching others live their lives on a screen. Being a spectator is safe and risk-free, but the bleachers are no place to live.
A life well-lived can only be found in the arena.
“What calls you out into the world–to your destiny–is not ease,” writes Dr. Jordan Peterson in Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life. “It is probable–inevitable–that the adventure of your life will frustrate and disappoint and unsettle you, as you heed the call of conscience and shoulder your responsibility and endeavor to set yourself and the world right. But that is where the deep meaning that orients you and shelters you is to be found.”
Yet despite these truths, our modern culture seems hellbent on removing difficulty from every part of life. Perhaps that is we find ourselves unmoored and miserable.
Ease was never meant to be our highest aim.
Peterson continues, “It is a strange and paradoxical fact that there is a reciprocal relationship between the worth of something and difficulty of accomplishing it.”
And that is why, when someone looks at my life and says, “I’m sorry you have so much to do.”
I say, “Don’t be sorry. I like it like this.”
Of course I there are days when I’m tired and even days when I doubt. But that doesn’t erase the knowing I carry in my gut.
I was made for this.
If you want to feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for the people who’ve never experienced the breathless excitement of doing something they were told wasn’t possible.
The ones who’ve never tested their wits and emerged victorious.
The ones who’ve never experienced the nauseating excitement of saying yes to something that scares them to death.
The ones who’ve never been so immersed in a project that time stops and nothing else matters.
Feel sorry for them.
Because while it’s hard to grow tomatoes and run businesses and start schools, it’s much, MUCH harder to live an unfulfilled life full of regrets.
And when we voluntarily grasp the torch of responsibility, THAT is when life becomes exhilarating.
So Is it Worth It?
Do Christian and I dream too big? Maybe.
Are we a little crazy? Certainly.
Do we bite off more than we can chew? Sometimes.
But is chasing these audacious goals worthwhile?
Yes.
A thousand yeses.
Even on the days I wish for an empty calendar.
Even on the days when the load feels extra heavy.
Even on the days when I wonder what life would be like without all these moving parts.
I know in the deepest parts of my soul, it’s worth it.
And the next time you find yourself saying the words, “I wish somebody would do something about…”
Darling, consider that someone might just be YOU.
P.S. October 2024 Update- the application was approved, and we are currently in our second year of operation. The hurdles we faced during the application were only the beginning. But we persevered and the school is THRIVING with more students than our community has had in decades. If you’re in Wyoming and would like to learn more about our school, you can visit the website here.
P.S.S. The responsibility to which YOU are called will not be the same as mine. I’m not saying homesteading or entrepreneurship or homeschooling or owning a 100-year old soda fountain or starting a charter school is THE prescribed path of responsibility for all. Of course not. Shouldering meaningful responsibility will look different for each of us. I don’t know what your calling is, but your gut will tell you if you take a moment to listen.
Simply put the man (or woman) in the arena!
Slightly tapping into your world. Born and raised big city. Old bough now to enjoy a remote cabin in a small town. Never too old to take a risk and reroute…nature baby steps!
Old “enough”
I’m totally agree with the desire and need to find a direction and purpose to pursue. The road may seem impossible but it is so worth the hard places. I’m not sure where you include God and HIS purpose for you but I know fulfillment comes only when I make sure my ultimate goal is to be who God wants me to be and do what will please Him. Big dreams and hard work leaves an empty hole if it’s for any other reason.
Blessings to you and the amazing people of Chugwater. I’m excited to hear and see progress in many areas. I miss this little town on the prairie.
I love this so much!
You have put into words my exact feelings as of late. Thank you! I would love to know more about your charter school!
Beautifully well written and wonderfully put. So inspiring yet honest. Exactly the words I needed to read today. Excited for this new medium and what is to come.
You have a way with words. Everything about this speaks to me…as a stay at home, homeschooling, gardener mom to 3 kids. When ever I whisper “I’m tired” I am catapulted with comments like “send the boys to public school”, or “you do too much and worry too much”. I follow another “way maker” like yourself who said something like “never accept things because they are good enough or because we did it that way and we turned out okay…we should want better/more for our kids”. I agree. Follow that tug at your heart! My church started a private school years ago and it was SO much work! But worth it. Thanks for sharing these thoughts!
On point Jill – authentic writing at its best. Well done. The last 20 years of my life summed up, and there is more to do. Perfect timing.
Yes, yes, yes.???
I have read the whole thing here, and can only wish we had started this adventure a long time ago. Unfortunately, circumstances have left us with no choice but to fly at it now. We are in our mid-seventies and started on our little 2 acre plot in our mid-sixties. At this point, we are pretty much self-sufficient, and are set up pretty well to survive the coming economic disaster as we see it. Our health and stamina are not what they once were, but still pretty good. I would suggest that you consider the future with a critical eye, foreseeing what the future has in store for you health-wise. Age is not to be avoided, and now is probably the best time to put efforts into providing an existence that will offer a less strenuous state. I can understand the need to help whenever and wherever you feel you can, but sooner or later, you will find yourself in a position of simply being unable to cope, which will put you in a position of feeling helpless and useless. the deterioration of the human body is unavoidable, and to expect that you can delay it is to fool yourself rather than dealing with the inevitable now while you are still able to. This is from someone with experience having dealt with the future as it approaches and catches up with one, dealing a new hand with no guarantees.
Thank you for your words. We are starting later in life too but pleased to have started at all. Being self sufficient is a great feeling.
God’s timing is amazing!!
We are at the beginning of owning, renovating, and renting out 5 apartments ( while my husband works full-time and I’m home with our three young daughters), we brought home our adopted daughter from Korea 12 weeks ago and today we have a meeting to go over therapy options, we decided to do homeschool this year instead of sending our oldest back to public school for 1st grade (and I’m the crazy new homeschool mom who agreed to teach at the coop of which I have no idea what I’m doing), we have a garden and chickens and are planning/redoing the garden to begin the journey of only eating from our garden or locally sourced goods, not to mention my husbands new goal to raise turkeys and harvest them every year, and finally I have a blog but just recently decided to add YouTube to my list of things because with everything else going on in our lives why wouldn’t I?
Yesterday I was so exhausted after spending the day working around the house, and the apartments, and taking the girls swimming that I was questioning why I’m doing all these things… like you said, I’m doing this to myself… but then I read this and I’m reminded, I’m doing all the things because it’s what I was created to do.
We tell our girls that it’s important to “Do hard things.” In this family “We do hard things” but if I’m not careful I forget the why to that family moto.
Thank you for putting in the time and effort to remind me!! XoXo
Tim….I can so relate to your post! My husband and I are both 60 and will be retiring to our 2.5 acre place next summer. I wish I had known of someone like Jill 40 years ago! There’s a lot that we want to accomplish on our land, but there’s also a lot that I’m not so sure about. Jill, you definitely inspire me to keep pushing!
Thank you! I needed to hear this today 🙂
I agree, really needed this today!
This is my kind of “crazy”! I get the constant, “um, do you really need another project?” Of course not, but sometimes things present themselves when it’s not perfectly planned and you have to act or loose that opportunity. ????
Wow. God knows when you need to hear things and this hit today. I have been feeling discouraged in our new homesteading journey. We also own a business, homeschool and I’m teaching myself to garden and preserve and raise chickens and rabbits and still somehow be a good wife and friend and mom. I have been agonizing that I have nothing for our school year set. All my free time goes to barely keeping up with the garden and house this summer. But God knows. We need to do hard things. It refines us. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I loved reading them.
I needed this today…. Thank you….
Going to save this one to read on “those” days. Love your thoughts, never quit sharing. You put into words what I sometimes can’t. I hope our paths cross one day!
I love this so much and feel every word you are saying.
Someone has to take the reins. Thank you for caring in these crazy times. I live on the family ranch that has been in our family for over 100 years. Work never stops. My middle daughter is a school teacher. She is very dedicated. These times make it hard on us all but we care about the future generations so we keep going. God Bless!
The way you write always brings tears to my eyes and feelings of belonging. I dream for absolutely the same, just live at lot further south! (Texas) Thank you for being such a leader for people to embrace old-fashioned skills and ideas. You inspire me.
Such an important sentiment and I love how your words illustrate it!
I absolutely understand 100%. I am 55 years old and I bought a old Doctor’s Building in February to turn it into a primarily Outdoor Classroom and small school like a micro school or Charter school. Ages two and a half years old through 5th grade. People keep telling me that I am crazy and they can’t believe I’m doing this at my age. I just tell them that there is no such thing as Retirement it is called refirement! Thank you for this beautiful beautiful article!
“A life well-lived can only be found in the arena.”
Beautifully written, journey of life lived with purpose on purpose ?? Thank you for the inspiration to keep pushing forward. A new day awaits….
Thank you Jill, once again for speaking words that could come straight from my soul but I could never find all the right words. I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years, homesteading for 15, and just became a business owner a year ago! This summer has been tougher than most due to my kids growing up and working full time and unable to help with the day to day responsibilities. I find myself in a new season and wondering if it’s worth it? But in my gut, I know it is. Thank u again for sharing! You are your family are such an inspiration!
75 yrs young (husband is 62) and in our 7th year of homesteading thanks to the love and generosity of our son and his wife who purchased this property with the intent to offer us the life that we dreamed of for so many years. So we have family, garden, goats, chickens, berries, flowers, herbs, apples, a woodshop, lists of future projects and 30 acres of peaceful woods to enjoy. Life is so full as we knew it would be. My to do lists are my life from one day to the next and I love it that way. God has abundantly blessed us!! Thank you Jill for being a source of encouragement, honesty and the belief that hard work creates a life worth living. God bless you and your family as you continue to forge a path for others to follow.
Thank you. Thank you for being you. Your heart reached out and gave me a hug and I don’t feel so alone in my too busy, “dive into the deep end” life that sometimes people around me shake their heads at. You and your words inspire me and give me courage and I’m so grateful ?
You’re definitely not alone Lorna! <3 Keep up the good work!
1000 times this! I do have a lot on my plate, but they’re all good things that are important to me. So many people in my life encourage me to NOT do ‘all the things.’ There are times I do feel overwhelmed and tired but I want to be an example to my kids of what can be accomplished if you put in the effort.
Meaningful and well written. Totally worth the read … and re-read … and re-read …
You offer inspiration and hope for a better tomorrow.
My, gosh; well said!!
Congratulations! What a huge undertaking! I wish you were in my neck of the woods so I could send my boys to something so fantastic. This email was very inspirational and 100000000 true! Ease is not the answer. Thank you for reminding me.
I flew thru the comments. But consider Hillsdale College’s K -12 curriculum!
Jill – such an inspirational message and one I needed to hear. My husband and I met later in life after we were both divorced. We are 62. We bought 6 acres because it was our dream. Our family tells us the house has too many stairs and too much land and we should think about getting older but we are happy here. We are holding down jobs and taking care of “the farm” which sometimes seems overwhelming but fulfilling. Thanks for the great writing. I have so much I want to do left in life and this writing has given me the courage to keep going.
You lost me at Jordan Peterson. …
Love this and what timing! Had pretty much exactly this conversation with hubby last night.
Have you listened to J Peterson’s podcast with Rod Dreher? Right on par with this thinking.
I haven’t listened to that one yet, but it’s on my list!
Everyone is polarizing these days. I would hope that even if you don’t like him personally, you can see the wisdom in his words that I quoted here.
So spot on Jill! I’ve followed you throughout your many paths the last 10 yrs and you’ve inspired me in homesteading. Though its just 1/4 acre lot in the suburbs here in Iowa, my goal is to own some small acreage in the Black Hills to further my dream of expanding my garden/raised beds, have some milking goats, laying hens and meat birds. This is such a wonderfully written piece for all of to enjoy and relate to in the times which we all are going through these days. Many Blessings Jill and keep sharing these wonderful insights!
This was much needed for me today. Beautifully honest, and uplifting! Thank you!
All those bored, complaint people don’t know what you are talking about. They think they are happy but they are deluded. Our worlds maybe busy, hectic and sometimes scary but we know we are alive! It’s not the Matrix…
I’ll hang with you!
I admire your perseverance, Jill. I did not realize you had a blog, I have no clue as to why I didn’t know, but there you have it. Your blog about the charter school and thoughts is about what I thought when my family decided we were not going to put my grandson in conventional public school. We even looked into the virtual school that Cheyenne is offering, but the fact is, it’s still using indoctrinated practices that we do not want to be a part of. Enough of a reason there to start a charter school or homeschool, whatever the choice is. We decided to homeschool.
Nowadays, seeing green fields has become a dream. People are disconnecting themselves from nature but in reality, we find true peace in nature.
Are you not homeschooling anymore?
Jill is still homeschooling, however, they are also helping their friends start a charter school for the local area.
Hello, Jill,
Brene Brown, move over. Make room for Jill Winger. I use your recipes, shortcuts, practical ideas and philosophy. The boyfriend and I, aged 82 and 75 respectively, are working thru the developmental/aging issue as it presents itself. As near as I can figure, attitude is the magic which trumps any health issue. Body follows thought. Thank you for your inspirational words which elevate our thoughts and therefore our bodies. We feel better now than we did 10 years ago. On 1-1/4 acres in the Mojave Desert, and a rainfall of only 4 inches annually, we manage to grow desert fruit trees, herbs and a few veggies. We both love challenges and ALWAYS have multiple projects going.
Thank you for keeping us inspired and keeping our attitudes in the never-give-up zone. You seem to be living your purpose! It is admirable and I am grateful that you give your best-for-the moment and for your contribution to our lives. Happy New Year!
Only found this particular blog yesterday after falling woefully behind on the podcast! Looking forward to the book finally landing too!
You’ve hit the nail on the head as you so often do, we NEED challenge, we NEED achievement and to keep moving forwards, however that looks for each of us.
We are almost three years into owning our own place in rural northern Scotland, slowly taming the garden, exploring small business ideas and raising two smalls. In a few short days we complete on a patch of woodland beside the house, not because we have nothing to do but because the opportunity was there and we can! So a big new project to be kicking off with, meanwhile the snow falls, the firewood needs restocking and plans need some more poking as they come together ?
The lady who screamed that the soda fountain plates weren’t heated may have been erupting through a mountain of anxiety and fear created by the times in which we currently live. I’m sure that you treated her with the kindness and wisdom that your heart contains in ample abundance. And in doing so, you helped comfort and heal one wounded human being, who may have the strength to do the same for another in the future. Thanks for all you do, Jill! Your charter school sounds amazing. Hugs from Canada!