“What do you do for fun?”
The question came in the middle of an interview and caught me off guard.
I blinked at the interviewer as I stammered…
“Eh, well… ha. I’m not sure? I mean… I have fun but not in the regular ways… Um, I guess I work for fun? *nervous laughter*”
It wasn’t my most shining moment.
You see, I’m not good at recreation.
At least not in the conventional sense.
Passive amusements like movies, concerts, sporting events, bar hopping, Netflix, or shopping have never done much for me.
While I participate in those things occasionally, my brain doesn’t register them as “fun.”
But after years of wondering if something was wrong with me, I had a revelation:
Where most people seek “fun,” I actually prefer “flow.”
I first discovered the concept when I was researching Old-Fashioned on Purpose.
Flow is a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (P.S. I had to pronounce his name when I narrated the audio version of my book and it almost killed me) to describe the feeling of being so immersed in an activity that time ceases to exist.
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times” he writes, “The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
Some people call it The Zone.
Others call it peak performance.
All I know, is that once you’ve felt it, you’d go through a brick wall to have it again.
And I believe it’s a big part of the reason homesteading is growing by leaps and bounds.
Our modern, passive, consumer-driven culture offers fewer and fewer opportunities for flow.
Yet homestead activities offer it nearly every day.
Over the years I’ve experienced some of the best flow while:
- Reading nerdy books
- Making cheese
- Learning deeper pieces of horsemanship
- Working cattle
- Renovating old buildings
- Writing books
- Growing things in the garden
- Experimenting with new/technical recipes
While I’ve joked around about being a “fun hater,” in reality, I have fun. LOTS of it. Perhaps even more than the average person.
I just resist the industrial notion that “work” and “fun” must fit into separate compartments.
And when you’re working hard at something you love, well, there’s nothing better.
It reminds me of one of my favorite Wendell Berry quotes:
Beauty AND flow. Is there anything better?
So my friend, take heart if you’re a fellow “fun hater.”
There’s nothing wrong with you, you just don’t fit into the modern, industrial compartmentalization of fun. (Which I happen to think that’s a very good thing.)
And the next time someone asks me what I do for fun, I suppose my answer will be, “All of it.”
Hunting that Flow,
– Jill
I agree. Most of what I do doesn’t fit into what conventional society calls “normal”. Who needs that? Why be average, when you can find and experience a unique way of life, being all that your spirit is meant to be? Working in the garden, tidying up flower beds, sowing seeds, being immersed in a captivating story and hiking in beautiful surroundings are all ways to center oneself. Celebrate what makes you uniquely you!
Blessings…daisy
LOL me too! It is a hard question to answer. Movies- nope. Travel-nope. I would stammer also 🙂
There are times, at the end of a “fun” filled day I really enjoy just sitting down and listening to the silence.
Glad to know I’m not alone in thinking this! I love doing stuff- but a lot of traditional “fun” things just don’t do it for me. I kind of dread the movies, concerts, sports games etc. that most other people seem to qualify as fun. I love hiking, trail cutting through dense bush, fencing, haying, gardening, riding etc. Anything where I can see some sort of accomplishment is soooooo much more satisfying and meaningful and I feel good at the end of it. It’s a hard one to convince others of though….
Thank you! My husband and I have “bird TV” where we sit on our porch and watch the birds enjoying the habitat in our yard.
When we occasionally go out for a meal, we usually find ourselves looking at each other and thinking about how much we enjoy our scratch cooked meals from produce we grow ourselves, even in the city, and meat and eggs from farmers we know.
Oh my! I totally relate to this and love the concept of flow in your days. I think it’s so much nicer to try and make the day to day things you do “fun” like singing in the car with my teens, dancing in the kitchen. And I totally get time lost when I read and write.
Too funny – I thought I was the only one! I was asked this question a few years ago from an acquaintance. I think I stammered, “ummm…” after she asked me what I like to do for fun. Then I realized – she’s an extrovert and likes parties and gatherings and dancing and sporting events and concerts, that type of thing. I’m an introvert. My idea of fun is spending time in a bookstore, taking a walk in the State Park, working in my art journal, maybe taking a little day trip somewhere and browsing shops and going to a Farmer’s Market.
Oh my! A woman after my own heart!
Thank you for this post. You did a fantastic job of expressing what I’ve felt my whole life. I have fun when I’m working in my garden, building something, researching, writing, or learning something new. I do enjoy spending time with family and friends, but much of what they call fun is not fun to me. Actively learning something new or working toward a goal is much more fun than some of the more passive activities that most people seem to enjoy.