That Unsettled Feeling

 

A few weeks ago, I found myself feeling strange.

I felt unsettled… unsure.. and maybe even a little… bored?

It’s a foreign feeling for me. So when it hit, I was caught off guard. 

It’s not that I don’t have anything to do… I’m gearing up for THE book launch, the charter school recently opened, and of course, there’s plenty of work in the garden.

Yet, I was feeling a suspicious absence of challenge. 

I’ve crossed off some big goals this summer and scaled several mountains I set off to cross early this year.

That’s all wonderful.

But it’s left me asking the question… “Now what?”

It’s funny how often we wait to “arrive” 

We assume if we can just get through this thing… master this skill.. achieve this result… then everything will feel complete.

And sure, sometimes it does. Big accomplishments are certainly worth celebrating. 

But… over the years, I’ve realized I’m the happiest when I’m in the thick of a challenge. 

And I’m not the only one.

There’s strong evidence that we humans are wired for exactly that. 

We need meaningful struggle to feel most alive.

While seasons of rest and celebrating wins are very important, we can’t live in those spaces all the time.

So lately I’ve been asking myself… 

“What’s my next big challenge?”

“What thing scares me the most?”

“What have I told myself isn’t possible?”

I have some ideas:

• I want to master hard cheeses. I’ve played with them quite a bit and had some success, but there are many variables I still don’t understand. (This will likely be a spring project.)\
• I want to seriously up-level our homestead’s soil health and pasture management. Permaculture has intrigued me for years, but I’ve continually put it on the back burner. I’m ready to go deeper.
• I want feel confident enough in my skills to rope at our branding next spring. I’ve had this goal for 2 years but keep chickening out. It’s time. 
• I have a few other ideas I’m not ready to share publicly yet. 🙂 

While I’m still ruminating, even the process of exploring these ideas has caused my unsettledness to disappear.

I’m 38 years old, and finally leaning into the fact that chasing challenge is a part of who I am, not just a silly stage. And it feels really good. 

I think so many people feel these same tugs but try to appease them with other things— consuming, screens, tech, mindless pleasure…

Yet what they really need is an adventure to draw them into the next version of themselves. 

That’s when we’re the most content, fulfilled, and happy. 

So friend, what’s the next challenge you’ll tackle?

Onward and forward,

-Jill